Abandon

The human will to survive, is to say the least, a very strong and powerful thing. How and where we find this strength is such a mystery to me. Once arriving at  our determined destination the challenge begins with finding the balance between relief and bitterness. How does a conscious being place such a burden on another, leading us to the edge of the unknown. "What did I do? Am I that bad of a person?" The words go round and round looking into the dark abyss, our internal GPS dead with no response.

Frying circuits, "does not compute", a movie with no ending leaving you pissed off and wondering why the hell you wasted 2 hours of your time. Do we create our own hell when we transform back into the collective consciousness? All the negative energy we created making waves with others following us through time and space, life after life. The mind can let go and believe whatever it wants, but what of the ones we put this burden on? I do not believe we can leave a path of destruction behind us without causing some sort of disruption to everyone that we are. What we do to others, we do to ourselves and those who abandon should be pittied for their negligence and unwillingness to see, they have no rear vision. They are creating the negative energy that eventually makes it's way back around to them, keeping them in the same situations over and over again. Stuck in thier own insanity. Someone once told me "if you want different results, do something different."

People love, live and thrive together. The need for closure is great. Love those who love you, feed those who feed you, tell them you love them. It is cruel to be left in the unknown, forever wondering how, why, when, who...

It is much greater a crime to hurt someone who loves you by allowing the ego to control some false sense of right and wrong. No loving being deserves to be abandon.

Hoover Dam - Global warming?

This is a disturbing before and after photo of Hoover Dam on the Las Vegas/Arizona border. There is a 10 year span in time between photos. Low water levels are due to lack of snow run off into the Colorado river and an increase in demand. In the lower photo, there used to be a store sitting below the area where the lone RV sits and we used to feed the carp at the spill over directly bottom left.

Mulit-Media Pharmacies

You know what's bullshit?
Getting pummeled with pharmaceutical ads on tv telling us to go to our doctors and ask about a drug? What happened to all the regular commercials and why would I run to my doctor to ask if "neo-poop-er-iacin" is right for me?

Is it just me or have pharaceutical companies gone up and beyond the call of duty? No longer do they bribe  encourage entice doctors into prescribing their drugs in exchange for trips and bonus shit but now I am subjected to their bullshit. There is something disturbing about listening to a list of side effects accompanied by happy, possitive music playing in the background with images of smiling people and sunshine. BLECK!!! Do you really think we are that fucking stupid? (and during dinner of all times)

What is a "side effect" anyway? Aren't they all effects? If a drug does 40 things to the body, how the hell does one determine which ones are the effect and which ones are the "side effects"? WHO determines what a side effect is anyway? Is there a list somewhere? And what if it's main use is on the "side effect" list? Is it the possitive effect on the body that is the effect and the negative effects the "side effects"? WTF!

What ever happened to: "Dry mouth, nausea, headaches, nervousness, dizziness, drowziness,etc."?
Now its: "Blurred vission, loss of memory, rectal bleeding, kindey failure, hair loss, turning blue or green eyes brown, suicidal thoughts, heart failure, blood pressure drops, etc, etc, etc...."!!! And these drugs precribed for simple things like longer love making, thicker eyelashes, and more energy for your day. WTF!

I was once told by a great physician that sometimes the main use of a drug, ie. pain relievers, antibiotics, heart and diabetes medications far outweigh the side effects saving lives; noted and agreed upon. But why is it ok for us to blow out our organs or cause serious harm to our brains just to get a boner? Hey, I'm all for boners but I would also like my husband to be here with me when we're 80 and not nursing him for heart or liver disease.

I know people are smarter than that and we need to make better choices. We are constantly seeing "drug recalls" and now ads for lawyers bringing class action law suits against these companies because of the harm they are causing.

Are all those side effects worth it? A final word of thanks to whomever is responsible for making the pharaceutical companies state ALL it's effects. It has made me realize that their list of "side effects", I am subjected to listen to can not be sugar coated with happy music and sunshine while telling me I will loose 50 lbs. but leak from my ass. Here here!

BULLSHIT!

Oh to be as beautiful as the day...

“What a beautiful day.” He says with a smile.

“The sun is so warm.”

But so is my heart, I think to myself.

"Your form looks good." He reassures a student.

A glance at my backside, "Hmm, what does he think of this form?"

A little color here, a little spice there.
"The flowers smell so good."

But what about my hair?

"Great shot." He exclaims on hole 9.

I smile with a deep sigh of peace.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder then what does he see?

I'm not as shiny as I used to be and certainly not as new.

"Oh to be as beautiful as the day."

DIET changes and moving

Diet changes certainly add to the challenge of moving especially when your used to a certian type of food. Going from fish and greens to meat and potatoes has shown a mixed reaction from my body.

Challenges:
Quality fresh fruits and vegetables
Fish
Organic Foods & Supplies
Healthy Restraunts
Cultured Foods

Quality fresh fruits & vegetables
I don't know about you but spending money on "fresh" fruit and vegetables has yealded costly. The fruit is picked too early and molds or rotts before it ripens. I have thrown out more fruit than I have almost eaten. When you do get good fruit, it's expensive but tastes wonderful. This is not just a local issue but nationwide. The local farmers market is the only way to go here. Now during the winter we go back to either canned fruit or the cardboard crap they sell in the stores.

Fish
This one has proved obvious. One cannot get "fresh" fish this far inland without paying $17.00 a pound for a $2.00 fish. When you come from the coast where FRESH fish is abundant you know what fresh is. The grocery stores here seem to treat their fish with something that masks the odor but not the texture or cloudyness of the liquid. Nice try... There is a fish store here that I have not purchased at only becuase the prices are shockingly overpriced. The frozen fish is imported from Tailand and other far off countries and when defrosted smell like the dead fish. The only fish I have gotten here worth eating is at the restraunts, it has the closest taste to fresh fish. So when I eat out, it's fish I seek first.

Organic Foods & Supplies
Trader Joe's & Whole foods market were top of my list back home. The nearest stores are about 3 hours away, too far for my hoopty car to make the trip. So the only "whole foods" type store in town is also pretty expensive and has little selection. Their dairy cooler is usually too close in expiration for me meaning they don't move products fast enough. There are a couple of main stream grocers here that offer organic alternatives to things such as kechup and chicken but not all in one store, so a few trips are needed.

Healthy Restraunts
Almost every fast food chain that exists is here along with the typical restraunts. Even the smaller local joints offer the same basic foods, burgers, overpriced salads, fried stuff and goopy sandwiches. The local fave here is called a horseshoe. My stomach churned to look at it when I moved here. Imagine a bottom bun with a heafty burger patty loaded with fries and topped with a cheese sauce. The secret is in the cheese sauce, so they say. A coronary on a plate! There are a few little hippy joints peppered around town that have things such as the illusive avacado or a bean sprout here and there but their hours of operation are odd making them difficult to visit.

Cultured Foods
It is true, you can't get good Chinese food in the mid west, let alone sushi, forget it! Although Osaka came here offering Japanese cuisine that is pretty damn good. What I would do for a great Greek restraunt with authentic Greek food and maybe even a little music. The Chinese restraunts are pretty much all the same, along with the Mexican. We need more REAL cultured restraunts!

Time for that later?

I remember when I was a kid and wanted to play outside. Dad would remind me of all the chores that had to be done saying, "There'll be plenty of time for play later." When I was a teen and wanted to hang out at the mall with friends again I heard, "There'll be plenty of time for that later." When my son was born I wanted to go dancing, but this time reminding myself, "There'll be time for that later."

Later came and went when the realization hit that playing outside was no longer interesting, nor was hanging at the mall or going dancing. Today I want to travel and experience the world but again being told, "There'll be time for that later." What if later I am too old to travel, loose the interest, or whatever else could come up? This place is great but no where to be found on my list of shit to do. 

I used to believe in the "master plan" but as I get older and have some time to look back on the only "plan" that ever happend is when I got off my keester and went a did it. Do we leave out destiny or fate up to something unseen that may or may not even exist? The only time I was every truly happy was when I made my own way and living as NIKE says, "just do it." Don't wait for the world, your reletives, neighbors, friends, co-workers, or the ramdomness of life determine where or who you are. Choose for yourself.

Friend Finder

When I first got here the first thing I looked for was good food, I do like to eat. I realized my idea of good food was ethnic food, what the hell kind of city doesn't have a good Greek, Middle eastern or vegan restraunt? Shit... My second search was for coffee/book store hang outs for the local social-ippies. I found the typical run in and out mega coffee chain or the place only open till 2pm. WTF!! NEXT! What about local music, drama groups, hiking, fishing? The panic set in.

Although everyone here is very friendly, they have adapted to this environment which seems to take years to "fit" into. Everyone has their routine which includes work and friends they've had since grade school. Trying to break into this routine has yealded a big fat zero on my end. They keep themselves busy with crafts, tv event nights, card games, and various activities to keep from realizing this place is a 1 on the excitement scale. Which they don't seem to invite "outsiders" to.

Although my honey says I'm not trying hard enough to make friends, he's has no idea. I've given out my phone number to more people than the drunk dude in the bar. It makes you think after a while that "nobody likes me...." "Waaaah, what am in 5th grade?" Bit me I say!  City dwellers unite!

Now I know people are busy with other shit in the big city, too busy to even notice you walking down the street but at least you had a plethera of shit to do besides cards and tv. Being cooped up for 5 months with temperatures of 10 degrees outside sucks so I took up beading, painting, playing the flute, sewing, video games, reading, and soooooo on. Yeah, who am I kidding. I'm not the crafty type but it beats reality tv. Now that summer is here it's f*ing hot and humid as f*ck! Talk about zapping your energy. Shit, back to crafts.