She awoke in the morning, not quite sure where to start. "The list, ah yes, the list..." She whipered with a deep sigh. The place where her love and life partner once layed, warming her at night, is now cold and empty. He was gone... with the other woman on his mind. A tear welled in her eye as the picture of him with this other woman burned forever in her memory arose like a curtain bringing tears and anxiety. "How did I get here? How do I get out of this mess?" She cried as she closed her eyes again.
As she looked at the list, the long list of fires that were burning he left behind for her to put out, she picked up her pen and started to write. One letter to him apologizing for her ill actions after he left, hoping that he found something wonderful in this other woman, for making his life so miserable and one to her son for being the greatest kid on earth; a mother who was sorry she "couldn't find a family for us in our lifetime together."
She gathered her letters, her knife and her keys, heading for the car. "I won't let my son find me this way." The tears flowing like rain she drove to where her love was staying, waited for him to leave, just wanting to see him one last time and silently say goodbye. But the fear overwhelmed her as her reflection in the blade reminded her of what a beautiful person she once was, bringer of life, lover, and creative mind. "Why are we as people so cruel to each other?" She thought slumped in the car crying so deeply. She glanced over at the letters laying on the front seat of the car.
Flashes of all the wonderful times they had raced through her mind, the future they had drawn together was now just a science fiction piece, laughed at as hocus pocus. Left on the path in the dark, alone, cold and scared, forced to crawl on her hands and knees through the darkness feeling her way around looking for any flicker of light. She screamed, she cried, she became destructive to herself and everything around her desperately seeking a way to go amongst the many who disapreared into the dark ignoring her cries for help.
As she looked up, she watched him ride away down the street wishing he would see her, hold her, tell her he was sorry for crushing her soul and tell her everything was going to be alright, but he never turned. She glanced back at the blade, sharp and cold, she knew just where to cut so she would just pass out and feel no pain. Her hands began to sweat, her stomach cramped, she looked in the mirror watching the vein rise to the surface... She wondered how warm the blood would feel flowing down her body, the smell of iron, the last few breaths before going dark and waking up, somewhere. Her fear of death didn't exist, she was ready to find out if she would go somewhere or just back into the ether joining with all the other energies in the universe.
"The password is, dragonfly." She whispered, a word her and her son came up with to let the living one know there is a beyond.
Just then a woman drove by slowly, smiling at her as if to say "I know...I've been there too and you'll be okay. Go home to your son, he still needs you here."
She lowered the blade down on her lap, her head laying on the stearing wheel; a tear falling on her hand rolling onto her leg.
She lifted her head, opened her eyes and looked around her room. A phone, a blade and a list sat on her lap, a choice she needed to make to solve this problem. As she dailed the number the police were at her door within minutes escorting her to the hospital where she got treatment and met others like her. The days past between grogy, medicated, lonley nights.
As she sat in the group sessions each telling their stories of how they got there, the tears fell while two women told identical stories to hers. They smiled and hugged each other.
"I too was there, and we will all be okay. We are still needed here." She told them, as they smiled back and wished we had met sooner.
"But we met now, and this is when we need us the most." She cried and reassured them with a warm touch.
Later that afternoon she walked down the hall towards the door to the outside world. As she passed the rooms she said her goodbyes to the wounded souls like hers, the unforgiving selves, the bullemic, and the angry one. We all know what we seek when we close our eyes, it's there, it just gets forgotten about amongst the chatter.
"A new path awaits us all." She said as she took her first breath of the outside air with a smile.
As she looked at the list, the long list of fires that were burning he left behind for her to put out, she picked up her pen and started to write. One letter to him apologizing for her ill actions after he left, hoping that he found something wonderful in this other woman, for making his life so miserable and one to her son for being the greatest kid on earth; a mother who was sorry she "couldn't find a family for us in our lifetime together."
She gathered her letters, her knife and her keys, heading for the car. "I won't let my son find me this way." The tears flowing like rain she drove to where her love was staying, waited for him to leave, just wanting to see him one last time and silently say goodbye. But the fear overwhelmed her as her reflection in the blade reminded her of what a beautiful person she once was, bringer of life, lover, and creative mind. "Why are we as people so cruel to each other?" She thought slumped in the car crying so deeply. She glanced over at the letters laying on the front seat of the car.
Flashes of all the wonderful times they had raced through her mind, the future they had drawn together was now just a science fiction piece, laughed at as hocus pocus. Left on the path in the dark, alone, cold and scared, forced to crawl on her hands and knees through the darkness feeling her way around looking for any flicker of light. She screamed, she cried, she became destructive to herself and everything around her desperately seeking a way to go amongst the many who disapreared into the dark ignoring her cries for help.
As she looked up, she watched him ride away down the street wishing he would see her, hold her, tell her he was sorry for crushing her soul and tell her everything was going to be alright, but he never turned. She glanced back at the blade, sharp and cold, she knew just where to cut so she would just pass out and feel no pain. Her hands began to sweat, her stomach cramped, she looked in the mirror watching the vein rise to the surface... She wondered how warm the blood would feel flowing down her body, the smell of iron, the last few breaths before going dark and waking up, somewhere. Her fear of death didn't exist, she was ready to find out if she would go somewhere or just back into the ether joining with all the other energies in the universe.
"The password is, dragonfly." She whispered, a word her and her son came up with to let the living one know there is a beyond.
Just then a woman drove by slowly, smiling at her as if to say "I know...I've been there too and you'll be okay. Go home to your son, he still needs you here."
She lowered the blade down on her lap, her head laying on the stearing wheel; a tear falling on her hand rolling onto her leg.
She lifted her head, opened her eyes and looked around her room. A phone, a blade and a list sat on her lap, a choice she needed to make to solve this problem. As she dailed the number the police were at her door within minutes escorting her to the hospital where she got treatment and met others like her. The days past between grogy, medicated, lonley nights.
As she sat in the group sessions each telling their stories of how they got there, the tears fell while two women told identical stories to hers. They smiled and hugged each other.
"I too was there, and we will all be okay. We are still needed here." She told them, as they smiled back and wished we had met sooner.
"But we met now, and this is when we need us the most." She cried and reassured them with a warm touch.
Later that afternoon she walked down the hall towards the door to the outside world. As she passed the rooms she said her goodbyes to the wounded souls like hers, the unforgiving selves, the bullemic, and the angry one. We all know what we seek when we close our eyes, it's there, it just gets forgotten about amongst the chatter.
"A new path awaits us all." She said as she took her first breath of the outside air with a smile.
