Has Reality TV gone too far?

This year I did a bit of traveling abroad. While I was excited to meet some foreign co-workers, they were not so excited to meet me. They seemed to figure that I liked country and rap music, drove a fancy car and was wild and crazy.

"Huh??"

Our satellite TV picked up American channels, hearing "Fucking Americans" scoffed from more people than I would like to admit while scrolling through shows. I laughed and said, "Surely you don't think Americans are like that?" To my dismay, they do!

I soon got over the anger and defensiveness of being categorized by some over-acted, stupidity of a TV show as "America". Hell, last time I wasted my time on reality TV was the first season of Survivor (which was fantastic). I've got my own reality to deal with let alone watch some wealthy housewife deal with her problems. Her lip surgery and my rent payment don't compare, nothing to learn there.

"NO, we are NOT like Snooki, crazy rich housewives or this Honey Boo Boo everyone has made a joke of. Once I stepped off American soil I realized how tarnished we are with this crap. Being in America we just change the channel and choose not to engage in such stupidity, but what happens when we leave? Our choice becomes hard work to prove we are not all stupid, wealthy or drunk.

Every culture on the planet has it's "village idiot" who has been made a mockery of for entertainment purposes for centuries, nothing new. But in our technological era, the planet is now watching our village idiot. Throw in a few commercials for pharmaceuticals, weight loss, lawyers and shopping and we've become inbred, ill, overweight, pharmaceutical Guinea pigs and consumers ready to sue the shit out of you.

In the mean time our real hero's who work hard everyday saving lives, raising children with two jobs, caring for elderly, feeding the homeless and just being an America we seem to be so proud of never gets a minute of time. What are we proud of? That idiots like Snooki and Honey Boo Boo become millionaires on TV for being morons while we work our butts off?

Most of Oprah Winfrey's success was showing the reality of human survival. She gave millions of people hope that we can make it, dreams do come true and hard work does pay off! She motivated and connected millions worldwide. Good positive TV DOES work, she proved it.

TLC was once "The Learning Channel". There is NOTHING to learn from idiotic shows like Honey Boo Boo. When we look backwards watching such primitive behavior it sidetracks us from thinking forward watching intelligent people that can inspire us to do new and amazing things. Role models were named to keep us looking forward and striving for a better world. 

Next time you travel abroad, be warned. These people have seen shit you may have never given the time of day to turn on. Last time I checked Americans were pretty great people, at least the ones I know and we should be able to travel without being scoffed at or feel in danger because of stupid crap on TV.

Take the time to offer your feedback to the networks airing these ridiculous shows ruining our reputation and show a real America. We are quick to tweet and facebook every opinion we have, make one opinion count.

The truth about change

The truth about change? You wanna know the truth about change? Well, it sucks sometimes. No, most of the time. it's in the ashtray of the car, under the couch cushions, rattling the the car cup holders, laying on the street or weighing down my purse. I find it in the bottom of grocery bags, on the floor, mixed with my jewelry, in pockets of my clothes. The shit is everywhere. And no mater how hard we try, the cash register always rings up $3.89! WTH! "No, I don't feel like rummaging through the bottom of my purse for 89 cents just to piss off the people behind me. But if I don't, I GET MORE CHANGE!

Change just needs to go away....

Change is everywhere. In every country, every social class, I've even seen my dog eat pennies. There is no escaping change. So how can we make change work for us?

I started with a change jar. Ok, a big'ol beer pitcher...shut up, it works...This was my way of acknowledging change existed and was not going to go away. I put all my change in it. I cleaned out my car, my cup holders, my jewelry boxes, the sofa, my purse and anywhere else the shit was hiding. I then gave it all a ride to the change booth. A magical place that transforms it all into usable paper for which I buy stuff. Stuff I need, and a maybe some stuff I don't. The point is, the change is gone. For the moment...

1. Change exists
2. Change will never go away.
3. The sooner you understand #2 and #1 the sooner you will recognize the it and know where to put it.
4. Change will always exchange for something. Good. Bad. It's up to you.

I refuse to be a victim of change, it will not piss me off anymore. When I see change I know where to put it. Use it now or save it for another day when I will know what to do with it. I've even learned to see it coming and prepare for it.

Change....You little bugger...

A sense of Entitlement

Legality aside in general, the word entitlement refers to a notion or belief that one (or oneself) is deserving of some particular reward or benefit. A "sense of entitlement" as it is commonly used.

As I watch the restaurant I work in close, a select few seem to exude this sense of entitlement, rationalizing and satisfying it by stealing. I have become a babysitter slapping hands as they try to fill their pockets with money, booze, equipment, and food, countered with resentment and lost friendships.

I'm not sure why this generation is so jaded and shocked by my lack of a sense of entitlement.  Perhaps it was that the previous generation was so graciously rewarded with company paid college, retirement, paid vacations and a sense of job security, travel and comforts?

As a  Gen Xer I certainly understand this feeling. My father was a WW11 veteran of the Air Force, received and engineering degree from UC Berkley paid for by a company that he retired from. As a senior he collected disability from the military, retirement and interest on savings. He never understood my struggle to attain loans for college, work entry level jobs with no sense of job security.

"Hard work, loyalty and commitment pays off." He said
"When? We are expendable." I replied.
Perhaps the sense of entitlement was always there, they just got what they wanted.They fought for equal pay, unions, safe work environments and labor laws.

So where does that rational to steal come into this picture?

If Mr. Jones across the street says

"Hey kid, I'll give you $20 if you mow my lawn every week."

You agree and continue to mow for 6 years. One day  Mr. Jones puts up a sign in his yard  advertising the house for sale. The house sells. Are you then entitled to go into Mr. Jones' garage and take his things because you feel a sense of entitlement? His things are still his personal property on his private property. There is no entitlement. You may be entitled to unemployment, earned sick time or unpaid vacation if that was part of your contract for employment but you are certainly NOT entitle to steal Mr. Jones' belongings.

Rebel without a cause

What is a rebel without a cause? Wouldn't the thing that caused the person to rebel be the cause? Perhaps this person is just doing his thing.

It always bothered me when people called me a rebel. Looking up the words actual meaning to see if I actually qualify as a rebel, it states:

A rebel is a person who participates in a rebellion.
A rebellion is a refusal of obedience in order aimed at replacing or destroying an established authority.

I would never consider myself to be a rebel according to social description. I have been labeled this only for the fact that I question things in life that I don't understand to be relevant to the situation. In no means have I ever wanted to destroy or replace authority or refuse to follow rules or laws.

Laws and rules are in place to provide consistency, flow and fairness for everyone. It eliminates favoritism and confusion allowing maximum function. Take stop signs for example. On a small road with minimal people converging at the same time, a stop sign is appropriate. Without one, people would decide that they should go first judging their situation to be more important than the other person going left. Putting up a stop sign and establishing rules that go with that sign are in place to stop possible bad situations from happening so everyone has an equal shot at going next.

But what happens when there is now too much traffic for everyone to stop? It now becomes a  problem interfering with the flow and creating traffic jams hence no longer serving it's purpose. The city must now listen to the complaints of the people, reassess the situation and create a new solution to the problem if one is needed and act. A traffic light is born.

When I was a kid I did't understand why I had to use a yellow #2 pencil vs. my .05 mechanical pencil or a green #2 that consisted of the same graphite?

Why do my red tennis shoes bother you? This isn't Catholic school. You're wearing blue.

Why does it matter that a man's hair can't touch his collar in a business office? I can clearly see how that would totally interfere with his accounting abilities. Or why woman had to wear skirts and blouses in a business office. How the hell can you be a good secretary wearing pants?

My response is always the same when I hear someone comment about being a rebel.
"Oh yeah, I can see how that's completely relevant to the situation. Where's the rebellion that they are leading?"

Perhaps any situation that causes an uprising should be assessed of the relevancy of it's laws and/or rules that govern it given current circumstances. People by nature are not mean nor rebellious. Our very nature is to just live and exist. People want fairness and equality not conflict and hardship.

When people complain about something it usually means it isn't working for them. Whether we live in small towns and huge cities, work for small businesses or large corporations, these "rebels" are everywhere. A simple woman like me sees a dysfunction in the flow and instantly becomes a rebel. Is an engineer a "rebel", a politician, a lobbyist, a priest?

Maybe we are all rebels at one point or another all seeking a better world.
  

Managing restaurant employees through a closure

I was recently promoted to supervisor in a restaurant 4 weeks before it announced it was closing it's doors in 4 days. The first day of the announcement was more rant than it was rest. Emotions were flying high. The original close date would have given everyone almost 3 weeks to find new employment, but considering business was almost at a stand still, another supervisor had "leaked" information of an impending closure causing people to quit, panic and start stealing, the company needed to pull the plug sooner...

A little over a month had past after the new GM arrived bringing with him a new supervisor, new ideas and plans of getting our restaurant back on track and making money when I was promoted. I was proud to supervise such a great group of people, even though a few of them had me worried. Not sure how they would take the news of someone who had only been with the company 3 months would go over with more seasoned veterans. Low and behold, they were all supportive and happy.

Our new kitchen supervisor had been on my "watch" list suspected of stealing money from the office and missing alcohol. As soon as he realized I was watching him, he immediately quit. Since then, nothing missing. Go figure...

It never ceases to amaze me the differences between the way people handle stress. Some just go with the flow, do their jobs while others act out. As a supervisor having never been in this particular situation before I'm learning quickly to roll with the different reactions.

On one hand I have those who are trying to help, empathizing and informing the customers smiling and keeping calm. Their tips are HUGE since the customers are now empathizing with the impending doom of them being out of work in 4 days. While others are stomping around threatening to quit, complaining about "fairness" and others just doing a half assed job. By the end of the night their tips reflected the attitude.

At this point we are on a skeleton crew in the kitchen and dealing with a dwindling supply of food, the 86 list is rising. So how do you as a supervisor handle the stomping, complaining few?

1. Know that getting them to understand or empathize with the companies loss or delema is pointless. Panic has set in and all they can see is rent, bills and food. Their basic survival needs are number one, not yours.

2. Praise, thank, listen and offer to do anything to help everyone through this. Suggest places to find employment, pick up slack where people have quit, etc. The decision has been made by corporate and there's nothing that can be done but to finish working to earn as much as possible and look for another job.

3. If you have enough staff, send them home. This is a prime example of a few bad apples will RUIN the whole by causing more stress, angry customers and a possible expedited closure on an expedited closure. If they threaten to quit, clock them out and accept their resignation.

4. If you don't have enough staff, damage control & communication with your customer is essential as soon as possible. Especially if you run the possibility of reopening another store or location. You must protect the name of the company for future business. Inform the customer of your closure, apologize for any inconvenience, for being short staffed or low on supply. They will understand.

5. Refer to number 2.

Loosing  a job is a major stress like moving or death. The ones that have been there the longest will hurt the most. Not only are they loosing a job but friends that have become family. They will act out angry or distant, the outward/inward projection of energy. Some will want an apology letter from the company and/or to be recognized for their years of appreciated service, some look for something tangible like "what are you going to do with the tv's", or the quiet ones who may be crying on the inside that need reassuring everything will be ok.

Either way, as a supervisor offering to talk anytime about anything is important at this point. Some of these people may have no one to talk to about what's going on and feel alone. Fear stimulates people into making bad decisions, especially when they are quick like this. Panic causes fear, fear causes stealing, anger, and depression. Everyone goes through the cycle of emotions either internally or externally. Being empathetic and offering a real open door policy is number one.

Everyone needs help in life to move through these natural cycles. Some get stuck in the anger phase, some in the depressed phase and some die and bloom regularly. As coworkers and friends just being empathetic and not judging people no mater what phase they are in is huge.

Judgement shows ignorance and ignorance is easily cured with knowledge. 
Non-judgement without knowledge shows curiosity and curiosity leads to knowledge. 
Judgement is the disease of knowledge. 

The Non-Protesting Protester

How can you protest something without protesting? You can't. Once you become aware of something your actions, or lack of action becomes your protest.

"The biggest protest one can make against anything is simply not  do it."

People like me exist out in the badlands, vagabonds of society milling amongst you as assumed non caring oafs. Just because we don't join forces with one particular group, organization or club doesn't mean we are not on board with their agendas. A close friend once asked me to come along to protest a business known for its' bad practices.

"People like me don't hold signs or chant mantras around buildings, we write letters, talk to our friends and/or stop visiting such businesses." I told her.

Education and awareness are the two largest forces behind anything. When information becomes available we become aware, awareness becomes action. Whether holding a sign, recognizing abuse and saying something or making a different choice when buying chicken, it all makes a difference.

In a conversation with my son one time, I said "I am like a bee in a field of flowers. We are very powerful, spreaders of information quietly from flower to flower. Never assume we are not part of the swarm."

Any and all Information may be true, false, mixed up or confusing. It is up to us to determine whether to believe it or not. In the age of mass communication knowledge is no longer a 6 month sail away, it's a click away. It's a wonderful right to be able to speak your mind, educate people or bring into existence knowledge that may not be unknown.. People like me are turned off by anyone who threatens us for not conforming.

Never assume that those of us not holding a sign are not protesting....We are still part of the whole.

We're WiFi man!

A farmer wakes one morning and prays "Oh lord, please let it rain today. My crops are dry and without rain I won't be able to feed my family"
At the same time another man wakes and prays, "Oh lord, please don't let it rain today. I've got to go to work and finish building the roof or I won't get paid to feed my family."

Which prayer gets answered? One is amazed by the miracle that happened; the other is shamed and believes some external force was against him today. I was listening to a minister on television this morning teaching people to "pray effectively". As he went on and on about protocols, submissiveness and a "if it be thy will" stuff I couldn't help wonder while looking at my dog if he knew how to pray effectively?

As an animal species on earth I wondered why religious people were not all wealthy, healthy and wise, while all non-believers were not all poor, sick and stupid. Prayer seems to know no color, intelligence level, nor belief system. So why do we insist that a miracle happened when Aunt Josey got healed from cancer but Uncle Steve died? If all dogs go to heaven, do they believe?

Statistically, there is no difference between financial wealth, health or longevity in people that believe in a god or not. They have however shown increased intelligence in non-believers.

I do believe in consciousness and energy, however I do not believe someone/thing is listening or watching. Viruses, bacteria, rust, oxygen, lead, chickens, we're all just pieces to the whole; the symbiotic system. Everything on this planet has it's dis-ease that can kill it and plant that can heal it. No animal on this planet believes in gods or prayer except for humans. Not one species is immune to disease, suffering or prosperity.

Perhaps it was the invention of chemotherapy that saved Aunt Josey and the depression that killed Uncle Steve, who knows. I remember sitting in church feeling the energy in the room when people prayed, sang or danced. It's that same energy that exists everywhere. I hear believers say the just "know" god exists because they feel it. Well everyone feels it, it's just what you interpret "it" to be. Today I believe that energy is what we use to heal ourselves, to feel love or anger. What if the universe is just one huge energetic battery that charges us along with everything around us that keeps us going, the ghost in the machine? We're WiFi man! LOL!!!

We feel so amazing when we're "connected" and sad when we're not. People that claim out of body experiences say they never want to return because of the amazing love and light they feel. Believers or not, they all feel and experience the same thing. They just come back either saying it was "heaven or god" or an "afterlife". Depends on how your brain wants to interpret it here. Either way, meditating or praying for positive things fuels positive energy in our bodies. It makes us feel good and hopefully spreads to others around us.

Surviving Loss

Getting past loosing anything is never easy. It really irritates me when people categorize your loss. Who came up with the "Loss rating system" anyhow? The loss of a job may be no big deal to you while devastating someone else. I know they're just trying to sympathize and perhaps don't know how or what to say to you but would you pat a widow on her back during her husbands funeral and say "Hang in there girl, you'll find another one. Just forget him and move on, you're better off without that asshole anyway." Would you send flowers to someone who just got their car stolen?

Our minds and bodies all respond the same way to any stress or trauma whether it's loosing a job, the loss of a loved one, a family pet or even retirement. Stress & trauma is still, stress & trauma! The changes to our daily routines are interrupted which makes it harder to move on. Every time we sit down to eat, they're not there. Every morning we wake up, we realize we have no job to go to. The wound is constantly broken open. It's opened a gap in time we must fill with something else, it's the law of the universe. Something will always fill in an empty space, it's physics.

 

But how do we move on?

In my own times of loss I remember the feeling of being on your hands and knees, feeling your way around in the dark, scared, alone and feeling like you can't find the door to get out. The mind remembers that there was sunshine somewhere; it's why we want out of suffering. Subconsciously we know love and happiness exist, we just can't find our way back to it. But we can, and do. As I've gotten older and having been through my share of pain and trauma I've realized that life is a repeating pattern just like the seasons, the days and cycles of everything. Happiness and suffering are like the seasons. One may love winter by playing in the snow, another is freezing to death and digging out to stay alive, then the sun comes and saves the dying one but now burns the one that was playing in the snow.

 I've run into people who are still playing the same record over and over again in their minds their entire lives, struggling to sort through the shrapnel of an incident that happened 20 years ago constantly picking at an old wound and refusing to let go of a trauma spending the rest of their lives repeating things like "just my luck" or "Murphy's law". It's as though they've accepted some victim fate of never ending suffering.

 Every body reacts the same way chemically to a traumatic situation, but the difference is how the mind chooses to react to the body's reaction.  

Man is sitting quietly enjoying camp.
Dinosaur invades camp, chases man.
Man reacts either by running or fighting.
Danger is over and dinosaur is gone but camp is destroyed by dinosaur.
Man gets sad at loss of camp.
Man gets angry, then sad, then confused as to why and where the dinosaur came from.
Man gets angry at himself, then others, looking for a "why".
Man gets frustrated and tired of rebuilding camp.
Man rebuilds camp better than before and enforces surroundings.

 OK, so that's a corny analogy of humans, but its life. Loss happens to EVERYONE. No one is immune to loss of some sort, it's part of the function of the entire universe. Every living and non-living thing gains and looses something. Sometimes this analogy passes so quickly we barely notice it and sometimes it drags on for years.

 What is your interpretation of an incident? What is your explanation of why something happened? Does faith have an effect on how we get past things? I don't believe there is a right way or a wrong way to get past anything as long as you come out the other side wiser, not be bitter or angry at others around you and let it go and live, not just exist.

 Some faiths teach us to look inward, find our peace within ourselves. Understand that life just is and we have little control over anything external. A perpetually changing pendulum that never stops. Our blood keeps circulating, our cells keep dying and regenerating themselves, the universe keeps moving, nothing dies, it just changes form. No single creator involved, life creates itself from itself.

 Some faiths teach us to look outward questioning why this happened to us over and over again. The will of an external force, a punishment, bad karma, a curse or a devil chasing us. It's a shame on us for doing bad. Blaming someone or something else for what happens to us while alive or after we're gone. The human brain constantly seeks answers to things, it's natural. Being told to just have faith or convincing us that this external force has it's reasons, is not an answer we like to hear. It's like telling a child "Don't do that" The child is going to always ask "Why not?" and you answer "Because I said so" is hard to swallow if you believe in an external force.

 Either way you look at it, life happens and keeps going. Some things we will never have answers too no matter how hard we keep looking or asking. When it involves people we will never know what went through their minds, why they did what they did. Everyone is on his own path through life, learning his own lessons, dealing with his own issues. We HAVE to move on. You have things to do and work out too.

 

Filling the time gap:

• Flip your mattress and move into the center of the bed, the hump will go away quickly.
• Find something to occupy your mind from obsessing. Reading, painting, running.
• Learn something new. Focus your mind on new things.
• Socialize with others. Be mindful not to dump & complain to your friends constantly. They understand your pain but let them keep the conversation on other things. It helps ease stress by changing your focus and move on. Good energy is what you need, avoid others that feed the "misery loves company" mentality. Turn on daytime tv or watch the news if you need a confirmation that you're not the only one who's lost.
• Remember your faith. Meditate, understand it WILL pass.
• Journal writing. It helps us focus and slows down a chattering mind.
• Exercise! Burn up those damaging stress hormones; get rid of anxiety and depression.
• Get rid of the pain triggers of the loss. I'm gonna get shit for this one but the wound gets reopened every time you are reminded of that loss. Pictures, clothing, smells, dishes, foods, anything that reminds you of the loss. Putting these things in a box gets them out of site so you can heal. You can always give them away later when you are ready to move on, happily. Throwing them away triggers even more loss, it shows the brain the loss is in the garbage. (Unless you want it there)  

Don't do's:

• Don't get stuck in the time gap. Make a plan to fill the time gap left by the loss, a new schedule. This is why they say "keep busy". By filling that time gap it results in, "keeping busy".
• Don't cry "you just don't understand". YES, we do. YOU have to get through this in your own heart and mind.
• Don't get caught in the perpetual "why me" mode. Refocus on anything and stop the thought if you start feeling stressed, address it another day.
• Don't create negative anniversaries: "16 years ago today....." Celebrate and remember life, not loss. One issue I have with certain holidays and remembrances, they open old wounds reliving loss by reenacting negative situations. Guilt teaches us to not forget. Focus on the positive outcome, not the misery that fueled it. If you focus on the path while on it, then on the destination when you get there, you're always living in the present moment.

 

 

 

 

 

Making your time energy efficient.

"Some people just have too much time on their hands."

Can I start by saying how much I really dislike the sarcasm I hear in the voices of people who utter this phrase about creative or ingenious people who do amazing and sometimes seemingly silly things? How does one have "Too much time on their hands?" What would you do with more time? Perhaps we are just doing things that demand or are unknowingly sucking our valuable minutes away.

As I analyzed my days I found all kinds of time I was wasting on things that were not important to me like standing in long lines at the grocery store or trying to find parking. A change in the time I do some things made a huge difference. I started logging my minutes in a little flip book just to see where my time was being wasted. We make our homes energy efficient, why not our time?

Here are 10 ways I "found" more time:

Current Activity:                            Changed Activity:    Time gained per day:
1. Hair - 30 of drying & styling.             5 minutes               25 minutes
2. Make-up 12 min.                              3 minutes                9 minutes
3. Closer job - 30 min. commute           7 minutes               23 minutes
4. TV (news) 60 min.                           15 minutes              45 minutes
5. TV (movies) 120 min.                        90 min.                 30 minutes                                       
6. Facebook -9 min.                             6 minutes                3 minutes
7. Email - 15 min.                                  7 minutes               8 minutes
8. Cleaning 13 min.                                8 minutes               5 minutes
9. Dishes - 6 minutes                                 0                         6 minutes
10. Exercise                                                wash for me                     
295 min.=4.91 Hours               141 min.=2.35 Hours   154=2.56 Hours

3 hours a day = 21 hours a week(that's a part time JOB) =  91 days a year that magically appeared to do whatever I want with.  

1. Cutting my hair and just letting it go curly vs. trying to straighten it. This is something I let go of as I got older. Not important anymore.
2. Found my skin looked much younger and healthier when I minimized all the make-up.
3. This is a tough one especially if you can't move closer to your job or find closer employment. The extra gas & maintenance I was spending on commuting didn't make up for the extra wage.
4.  1 entire hour of tv just to get the weather and major news events I was seeking. 50 minutes of that hour wasted on fashion trends, celebrity drama, or the latest way to cook healthy BBQ and commercials. Log on to your favorite sites and read exactly what you're looking for, log off.
5. Some tv shows I just love but hate commercials. Renting movies or watching them on the network site cuts down advertising time.
6. Social networking. Logging on can zap your time if you have numerous accounts to check. Smart phones allow you to add all your accounts with one click you can view Facebook, Twitter and e-mail accounts in minutes vs. signing in and out of each account on-line.
7. Ditto #6
8. Cleaning. This is an interesting one. Staying organized by putting things away after using them, laudry while dinner is cooking, etc. Then come "cleaning day" everybody has one, it's faster to vacuum, mop and wipe things down not having to put everything away and reorganize.
9. I do dishes while I cook so this is not a stand alone task. For me, it takes more time to rinse, run and put away a dishwasher full of dishes. (provided you have a small family)
10. I'm not a gym person. I dislike driving there, waiting for a machine and taking an hour or so to work out, given my living area and traffic. I do sit ups and stretching while I watch tv, squats and leg lifts etc. while cooking. They are finally releasing information that little bits here and there are hugely beneficial, yup, I stay trim doing just that.

Women do seem to have less time per week than men. We spend more time with make-up, hair, wardrobe, shaving, cleaning, organizing, chasing kids, cooking, etc. Not to say some men do these things too. Some times in our lives we find ourselves in situations that just demand all of our time and can't be trimmed down, and that's ok. We get through it and our schedules eventually change, then you can utilize those important minutes.

Now after saving myself almost 3 hours a day just by making those changes, I now have learned to paint and make healthier choices at the grocery store.  I get accused frequently of living under a rock and asked how the hell I know the ingredients of many foods. My health is more important to me than politics, celebrity drama or the weather in Honduras. Not that I don't care. What's important to one may be a waste of time to another.

So if your one of those people who says "Some people just have too much time on their hands", maybe it's time for an efficiency check of your time.  Some of our lifestyles are just habit, ours or someone else's, or maybe we live on someone else's schedule. Little shifts make huge differences in the long run. All we have is time.             

Religious messages of manipulation

I had a good chuckle the other day when a good client of mine made a comment to me.

She said with a sence of sadness and pitty, "You know the only difference between you and I? I believe in Jesus and he is going to save me."

"Uh huh..." I said with a big smile and a splash of you think you've figured it out sarcasm. Yeah ok, I just go with the flow, hell she's 68 years old and still under the influence of Jesus. I just wanted to have a good ol' talk with her about anything non religious based. But over the years, conversation after conversation about kids, recipes and everything else, I knew contemplating the universe with her was beyond her comprehension or willingness to expand her mind since every decision was from the Jesus point of view. To her I was just a messenger of satan trying to stear her away from Christ. *big sigh*

Another client of mine asked me one day where I think I will go when I die. I told her I had no clue and really didn't care. You should have seen the look on her face as she jumped back in her chair 10 feet.

"Certainly I hope I just don't cease to exist when I die" She said in shock.

"Why not?" I said curiously. "Where do you think your consciousness or soul goes, if there is one? Where can it go? Into nothing? A dog? An alien being? Or an image of a young healthy you in a heaven?"

Seriously, who cares. As Deepak Chopra said so wonderfully. "Don't live in the future, you'll never be present when it gets here."

Why do we as humans live everywhere but here? I remember one day a friend of mine told me that I didn't know how to live in the now. My mind was always in the past or the future, she was right. But how do you live in the now? I'm still working on this but am figuring out it has alot to do with letting go. Letting go of the past, realizing it's over and there is nothing you can do to change it. PERIOD. It's the hardest thing to do. It's easy to stay mad about something, sad about experiences or hold on to resentments towards others or yourself. Know that you may never have answers to what happend and waste valuable time in creating new experiences trying to figure it out.

Living in the future goes beyond the "what if" mode. A brief thought of a consequence like touching something that may be hot is not living in the future. My father was a master of residing there. Everything he did had an entire lifetime of possible events attached to it, a story of  future events foretelling what would happen if  he lent me $20 bucks. Somehow the storyline in my mind was totally different and didn't see my future heading that direction. I wonder why he never capitalized on his great power? Because it was his reality.

As I sat clicking through channels of nothing on tv I was intrigued by the Christians on a particular channel. Now remember, I spent 20 years in that mindset. I just couldn't help hearing the underlying messages behind the loving stories.

1. "You'll never get to heaven unless you believe in Jesus."
First, you believe in a heaven that may or may not even exist. Second, that a man that has been dead for over 1900 years is the only way to this heaven. No one today was there during the time he walked on the earth. All we have are writtings of accounts of what possibly happened and supposedly what he said. Think like a movie writter. Think of ALL the possibilites of munipulation, control and fear that could have led to Jesus being viewed by the world the way he was and is today. Munipulation by his mother, control of  people, or just an ordinary good guy that saw people being persecuted giving hope to enslaved people leading them to freedom. People believed illusions then and saw science as work of the Gods. Until Christianity changed it into witchery and devil work. Then we slaughtered them like animals in the name of this loving God. The Catholic church has seen to the destruction of massive documentation and books around the world especially pertaining to that time period. What is left is hidden away from the rest of us under the Vatican that no one can view. But I'm supposed to just go with it...

2. The pitty they see in people that question the universe becuase they have the end all, be all answer; God.
Anytime the human stops thinking we stop our evolution. I'm not talking about monkey evolution I'm talking about intelligence, awareness, discoveries leading us forward in health, science and spiritual consciousness. Religion stumps this process, it hinders the mind to keep thinking. People that "search" for the meaning to their lives and not lost, possibly they are following someone elses life not their own. Expectations from parents, friends, co-workers, feeling guilty of not being sucessful or looking for recognition thinking they will be happy if they are popular, famous or wealthy. Everyday you help someone at McDonalds, finish answering phones at work, or smile at the lady in the checkout line behind you, you make a diffence in our existance. A kind word, letting someone merge in traffic, telling someone to have a nice day are profound, simple things that contribute to us all. No God needed...Love is all things. There is no need to "search" for anything, you've already got it. Look in the mirror! :)

3. Fear God, be submissive and serve.
Why? This is a human condition of the mind. He is sold to us as all knowing, all loving, all forgiving but tells us in the bible about sacrifice and killing. Oh yeah, that was the old testament. Guess he changed his mind half way through? That he is revengeful, jealous, only answers prayers to some but has his reasons for not answering the rest, obviously created cancer, plagues, viruses, satan, and allowed my friends father to be brutally murdered. Oh, and let's not forget about all the "holy land" wars of these loving followers that rape and kill millions of people in his name but abortion is wrong...?#(*&%$)@

4. Live for the afterlife.
Again why? I remember my mother telling me as I was growing up to be kind and help people in need. I never understood why I needed a God to be nice to other people. Especially when they are only nice to certain groups, not everyone. So, God is a prejudice score keeper, good deeds and kindness gets our name written in the lambs book of life to get into heaven. So if I live my whole life as a good person, I'm saved and screw up and not ask for forgivness before I die am I screwed? It's like fine print at the bank, too many conditions! Depends on who you ask. So how do you know your group is right?  We should always be kind to everyone all the time, you may never see that person again.

5. God is watching and judgeing you.
This one just bothers me. It's hard enjoying life thinking someone or something is watching everything you do. How do we feel comfortable knowing we have zero private time? Feel guilt and shame for scratching your butt or being sexually active. I thought it said somewhere in the bible that we weren't given the right to judge others yet that seems to be all they do. There is no unconditional giving or love towards others, only to whom they deem worthy. Sounds like many of our laws. You can fart but only on Monday, Wednesday and Friday between the hours of 6pm and 9pm, upwind, wearing boxers, holding a flower and standing on one leg, amen. All other conditions not permitted.

Once I decided to educate myself on science, explore other philosophical ideas, sit quietly and think the more I realized on a universal scale how closed minded, insignificant and pointless religion is. It separates humans into groups that are driven by ego claiming right to knowledge that can't be known at our present state of consciousness. We are not fortune tellers, shape shifting beings hovering above the ground with telekinetic powers, our brains are not that evolved yet. I suppose somewhere in the universe there are cultures that have evolved to that point but until then, religion is useless.

It evokes wars, arguing, judgement, isolation of outsiders, mass suicides, bombings, laws that take away human rights and feul the "club" mentality. When I turned my back on religion my life changed. I no longer lived in fear of some hell or guilt that someone is watching me. I felt a sense of peace in my heart that I was free. With that new found freedom came a little fear, knowing now that I, and only I am responsible for my actions. I don't need to ask forgiveness from a God, only from myself that I have acted irresponsibly. Knowing that everything you do is because you did it changes your prospective on life. You can't blame others for something you could have done differently. Don't send me hate mail, I'm not talking about being broadsided in an intersection, mugged, raped or broke your leg tripping on the rug. Life is full of "accidents". There is no "the devil made me do" or " I was weak to some external force" or "I'm being punished", I DID IT. I am a better person knowing I need to watch my own actions, words and thoughts. I help people, just becuase it's the humane thing to do.

Time and time again I hear religious and non-religious people talk of personal experiences they have; visions, voices, signs, dreams that seem real. There are endless possibilites of explanations to these experiences, I've had them myself. I am not capable of knowing what they are and am not comfortable with a group or person assuming he knows and has all the answers. Can you deny the peace and love they feel when praying to God? Absolutely not. Any person on this earth that chooses to connect with whatever the regional label may be, can expereince it. It urks me to no extent when religious people assume that non-religious people never get to feel the love they feel from Jesus or a God. I now know how ignorant they are. Most religious people know nothing about other religions, beliefs or cultures and little about their own religion but boy can they judge and come up with some doozies!

I laugh when I see "In God we trust" on a federal note. Why even put that on money in the first place, it's completely irrelevant! "One nation under God" Everyone has the right in the US to practice whatever they want. I find it pretty prejudice assuming all Americans follow a God. The constitution was not religious, there is no need. It's nauseating to see politicians fighting in congress over religious based laws that have no place in government in the first place. My father was a die hard Republican that voted for every Christian that ran for office. "We gotta get the Christians in office" he muttered every election. "But that's a belief" I said knowing I was gonna get a ear full. Religion and politics are like apples and sourkraut, they just don't need to in the same bowl. But when you're dealing with someone under the spell of religion, it's useless to even try and reason with them. It's like two people standing on opposite sides of the wall trying despirately to convince the other what their side of the wall looks like. Ya just gotta see it.

"There is nothing to fear, but fear itself." - FDR

The argument arose the other day about whether or not WalMart was good for business in smaller communities. The pro and con list grew and grew. One thing that stuck out was the statement,

"If their employees were treated so poorly, nobody would work there."

Once upon a time I believed that. I've walked out of jobs that were unfair with their borderline illegal labor isuses and just plain crapy business ethics and I always hoped my co-workers would do the same. But time and time again the morral went south, people complained and moaned but no one said a word. They took it like dogs!

Why are people so beaten by employers? What are we so afraid of?

"What are ya gonna do?" with their heads hung low.
In our independently thinking nation the cumulative united we stand, divided we fall moto has become empty words of bullshit submitting to fear. I asked many of my co-workers involved in illegal paycheck dockings and why they never said anything? They didn't want to rock the boat because they "liked their jobs."  Being in a small town there is nowhere else for these people to do what they like, make the money that they make to afford the lifstyle they are accostomed to. Problem is, the employer knows that.

A monk once told me, "There are only two emotions, fear and love." We've separated the word fear from all the others, even though they all start with fear. Greed, envy, anxiety, anger, aggresion, control, sadness, lonliness, depression, loss, etc. Why do people drive fast? Anxiety? Fear of not getting somewhere on time? Adreniline rush? Why do we yell at our spouses? Anger towards our boss, money issues, someone else hurting you in the past? Why do we find the need to accumulate things, money or people?

We're not affraid of jumping off the roof. We're affraid of what might happen. We're not affraid of telling our boss he's doing something illegal. We're affraid of loosing our job and not paying our bills and we're certainly not affraid of toilet paper, but of running out.

What are you affraid of that is causing your state of mind? I talk with friends sometimes that are angry or depressed because of the loss of a loved one whether through death or break up and the same pattern exists, they won't let go and move on. I too have been through that phase and it's human nature to want answers as to why, from friends, a god or who ever. There are no answers, it just happened and there is nothing anyone can do to go back in time to change anything. All you have is right now and the future. This is all you got. We can choose to sit and ponder the situation or we can move on to other things.

Reflection helps us move on, to hopefully not repeat destructive patterns. But how long do we go over things insanly in our minds before we accept things and live?

I always encourage people not to pass their fear off on others around you. Everyone is on their own path, dealing with their own fears, trying to enjoy life and follow love. Love does conquer all. Fear can not exist in the face of love. If anxiety has crept in during love, then fear is there, not wanting to loose what you've got. You are not enjoying love. Light can not exist in the darkness. If you light a match in the dark, dark is gone. They can't exist together.

Find love inside you and remember that feeling when you do anything. FDR said a lifetime of words
"We have nothing to fear, but fear itself."

Holiday Greetings...Such confussion...

I got a good laugh the other day as an old aquantance of mine made a comment on his facebook page telling everyone, in his kindest regaurds to have a wonderful holiday. His post read as follows:

"Merry CHRISTmas! If you don't like it, you can kiss my Jesus loving a**. I'm sick of all these idiots taking Jesus out of the holidays."

As the wheels turned in my head, along with my eyes, I couldn't help but to remind him of the decorated tree in his living room, the Santa on his profile picture, the antlers on his dog and the many other "commmercial" things surrounding his "CHRISTmas" that he is contributing to. Christmas attacted many diverse groups of people, religious and not. Think about all the things that are NOT Christmas which fuel the "commercialism" of this holiday.

Christmas trees & decorations, lights, home decorations, candy canes, wreaths, mistletoe, snowman, a magic performing, psychic Santa Clause, elves, flying reindeer,
The only thing Christian about Christmas is the nativity and why you celebrate it.


 I also couldn't help but remind him that Christmas is not the only holiday between November and January, and living in such a melting pot of what America has become it only makes sence to include everyone in this joyful message.

Hoidays such as:
Thanksgiving, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary, The Feast of our Lady of Guadalupe, the Winter Solstice, Christmas, Boxing Day (St. Stephan's Day), New Years Day and the Epiphany.

As I searched the internet for origins to such greetings as "Happy Holidays" and "Seasons Greetings" I noticed two common threads.

1. That the terms were meant to include EVERYONE as to not assume the person you are greeting observes any one particular day.
2. That the Christians seems to be the only ones offended by anything other than "Merry Christmas".

My personal opinion on holiday greetings comes from a point of respect and tollerance. I believe a "Happy Holiday" or "Season's Greetings" is an appropriate greeting if you are unsure of what they observe. A specific greeting such as "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Hanukkah" should be shared with those you know celebrate that holiday. Why would you just randomly say "Happy Kwanzaa" to someone who may be Jewish?

However you decide to greet someone this holiday season is up to each of us individually. Observing a day or time of year is special to us all as humans be it a birthday, aniversary, or religious day it's a time of reflection and rememberance. A smile and a wish for someone to have a happy day, whatever day they decide to observe is the point. There is nothing more to it than that...

"Talking all the time isn't necessarily communicating"

What a great line Jim Carrey spoke in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. As a woman I laughed out loud, literally because it rang so true to us "communicators". How many time have I heard

"You know you talk all the time?"

"Do you ever run out of things to say?"

It's taken me 20 twenty years to figure out why I never shut up. I used to ramble about everything and get upset when no one cared what I had to say. I finally graduated through the "I did it again" after leaving a conversation phase into the "Emm, you're doing it again" stage. Being aware you do something is 90% of the battle, figuring out how to adjust it and follow through is actually the easiest part. We just make it difficult because our brains are on auto pilot making seem hard to change a behavior.
"Is there anything you don't know?" hmmmmm....yup, lots. I realized my imput on things just made me look like a know it all when actually I know very litte, or a little about a lot?

Why do we ramble on and on?

1. Nervousness/Anxiety?
    a. This just makes you look like you're on drugs. The "what the hell is she on" opinion...

2. Insecurity that someone won't like us or think we're stupid?
    a. This on can be fueled by someone elses pressure to "be the best"; competitiveness, not wanting to let someone down.

3. Control issues?
    a. See #1 or #2

4. Verbally working out our own internal mental dialogs getting other's input verifying we're right, or ok?
    a. Looking for that confirmation that our actions or thoughts are right. We love when others chime in with us and all agree on something unless your're the devils advocate and just love to stir the pot and enjoy a good debate.

5. Etc.
    a. Insert your own context here.

Ok, so I fit most of them. I've found that if I smile alot, listen and put in my two cents only when someone asks "what do you think" I seem way smarter (cause none knows what you're thinking), and people like you much more. I've realized that I don't need anyone to "verify" my actions, viewpoints or thoughts on anything and if I need to "work shit out in my head", then that's where it needs to stay.

The best therapy I've found is literally talking to myself. As I drive in the car, clean my house or any other alone time I find . I believe we all know what we need to do, we can survive alone just fine. Hell, we seem to have everyone elses shit figured out, so we can figure out our own.

They say our brains can think 25,000 wpm, speak 120-180 wpm and hear & comprehend 300 wpm give or take depending on the person. Can you see where anxiety can take it's full run of the situation if we get stuck in our heads? Talking helps slow down that 25,000 wpm process in comprehensable information so we can work things out.

I remember one of the many classes I took on personality types that two simple groups stood out when in a conversation. The "data" collectors, those who want all the details of something. The "touchy feely" people who could care less about the details and are just interested in how that shade of blue makes them feel. When you recognize these two types it makes it a little easier to know when you give 'em all the info you got and when to shut up and smile.

Helpful tips:
1. Try to see what type of person your communicating with. Technical, emotional, etc.?
2. Find the groove of the conversation. Talking loudly to a quiet person overwhelms them.
3. Smile and listen. Talking all the time and informing people of your knowledge inhibits your learning.

Empty your cup

A few months ago I found it upsetting that my own cousin unfriended me on Facebook because I commented on the guy that claimed the "rapture" was going to happen on a specific date and time. Being an evangelical Christian she was upset that it didn't happen. Being a non-believer I just couldn't buy it...

Why does this bother me? I mean who really cares about Facebook anyway. The deeper I thought about it the more I understood what my dad was saying all his life. "Never talk about politics or religion or get too deep in conversation with anyone."  To some degree, he's right. If you speak your mind or opinion you take the risk that no one will like what you have to say and never talk to you again or attack you. But you also run the risk of gaining a close friendship.

My father always talked about "light" subjects such as tv, books or movies. It's probably the only reason he had a hundred people at his funeral. How many of those people would have shown up had they known what my dad really thought? Is it really any of their business what he really thought?

I'm learning that certain types of relationships have zero need to know about what we really think. Clients, co-workers, neighbors, grandma, or complete strangers? Nah... I've made the mistake of assuming that one slip up of an opinion that stirs a disagreement means you are out of the club, they don't like you anymore. I've come across very few people in my lifetime that can discuss disagreements, move on and still be friends.

 I used to think it was intolerant to distance yourself from people you may not like but I'm starting to be aware that life is too short to be around miserable, unhappy people who love to criticize and be mean. You know those people you have to listen to their endless ramblings that you disagree with but are afraid to speak your opinion without fear of ridicule or argument. Yeah, I'm a non-confrontational personality... I would rather listen than argue.

So in turn I filtered through my Facebook page and blocked people that constantly post disrespectful and intolerant  negative comments. If you spend all of your time with negativity you leave no time for the positive. As the Buddha says, "When your cup is full, there is no room for any more." Freeing up space in your life allows for the deeper more meaningful people to find you. Keep the "light" conversations for work.

Thanks for sticking up for, us?

I remember a day at the spa when a woman came in for a massage. She whispered to the owner that she didn't want a black therapist. As I looked at the older, white woman I couldn't help wonder what her reasoning was behind such non sence.Then I looked at the owner to see what his response would be. He graciously moved her appointment from the black therapist to the white therapist. Oh by the way, this happend in 2011!

Being professional I said nothing at that moment. As the lady made her way down the hall into her massage I had a word with the owner. His defense was that he will "do anything to accomodate a client and avoid loosing business." Huh...

"Causing the therapist to loose her commission, tip and possibly a future client is ok?" I responded.

As I continued to tell the owner how displeased I was with his catering to such disciminitory behavior and not standing behind the excellent service HIS black employee would provide for the client. I told him, "Then why did you hire a black employee?" His eyes got big and replied with legal issues about such a thing.

"HA, then why cater to such low brain thinking? Why disrespect your employee in such a way? Matching a therapist to a client is based on availablility & modality, right?"

The conversation ended as he ho humed down the hall...

Later that afternoon the employee that lost the massage came to thank me for "sticking up for, us." I was a little confussed by this comment but said thank you with an "I think" conotation attached, although I understood her seniment and smiled. I told her that I was not "sticking up to you" but sticking up for human rights. Our service has nothing to do with our sex, religious beliefs, race, weight, hair color, etc. As a member of the human, earthling race I can't imagine why one would assume a massage would be any different based on any of the above.

Categrozing people separates us. Remember, we are all human before we are black or tall or Jewish or blonde or whatever we identify with. 

Why I left the church

As a middle class kid in California I grew up in Sunday school and private Christian academies hearing the same biblical stories over and over again and reinacting historical events every Christmas and Easter. My mother made the greatest mistake, or should I say, good deed by subscribing to National Geographic Magazine and Discover, two of the greatest travel and science magazines in my opinion. I would read them cover to cover which lead to curiosities in the bible that did not match with what science said. "Somebodies not right here." Yeah, I was one of those kids constantly asking questions.

"What about the dinosaurs? If the bible starts at the beginning, where are they?" "6,000 years old?" Certainly a planet full of giant, freely roaming, people eaters would have made a line or two somewhere. Among a million other questions I had that never got answered, I just didn't understand.

Our family changed churches like people change the oil in thier cars. Every three thousand miles we were in a new church. Never understood what the hell they were looking for, but I got drug along and boy was it a ride. Some were quiet and mumbly, some were jumping and falling on the floor rambling in the "ancient languages", stand up, sit down, kneel, sit again, some yelled and spit and some made everyone wear funny dresses and no make-up (it was the devil). Some liked music while other condemed it, some believed the bible word for word and some made up their own rules. They all agreed on one thing at least, that all the other religions were going to hell and the other denominations were "just so mislead."

Every holiday or family get together was filled with religious fighting and yelling. Dad was a catholic, mom an evangelical and my uncle, dad's brother a Baptist minister. Never a dull moment here. "Whooo" They hated it when I would interjected with my silly comments like "Aren't you all fighting over the same thing?" I was shushed quickly and reminded that I did not know anything. I know enough that at the expensive Christian Academy they were paying for I was taught that God was loving, kind and that Jesus taught compassion and peace and you guys are none of the above.

Later in high school learning tollerance of our fellow classmates I had made some good friends. Turns out some of them were gay, lesbian, pot smokers, science nuts and so forth. One day while in church with two girls I grew up with, the minister was ranting and raving, pacing and sweating shaking his bible in the air... blah, blah, blah..."Have we not heard this story 700 times?" Then out of the blue, "The gays, the lesbians, the criminals and the pot heads. You can tollerate them but never be friends with them. We don't invite these people into our homes or to sit with us at work. They are not welcome here." Certainly I couldn't unfriend my buddy because she liked girls? This pissed me off. "How uncompassionate, unloving and mean."  I had had enough.

A few years later I found a church near where I had moved. It took one Sunday of listening to them harrass me for working at K-Mart. "K-Mart sells pornography and we don't shop there." They skoffed encourageing me to quit. "Soooo, don't buy pornography." I told them. Needless to say I was not invited back.

I spent the next 10 years or so studying other religions. "Maybe I was in the wrong one." I thought.  Turns out they're all the same, different characters, same story, same arguing, same fighting. "We're right and they're wrong." They all say the same thing. They would teach the "bad things" about other religions in our church. "If God is love why are people so mean? Why this, why that." Not one answer I've ever gotten from any clergy EVER made a lick of sence to me. "NONE of this is logical!" It's like reading science fiction, no, fantasy. Science fiction can actually be invented.

The real fun started when I studied psychology. Oh boy, the God gene. The mind is incredible. The more I learned, the more I started to understand how man uses religion to manipulate the minds of men. Deepak Chopra was right, religion is for the weak minded.

It's extremely difficult to explain to someone why your not religious. "Ya got about 3 days?" Now I can't say I'm Atheist because making that statement would convey that there is no God. My best guess based on my current understanding of the universe is that it is highly improbably that one entity rules over all and is responsible for everything that happens to me or where I will end up when I die. My measly human brain cannot conceive other parallel universes or "knowing" that I will end up in some grand place if I'm an obedient minion here on earth and listen to the church. THIS is why they don't encourage scientific study, the more educated you get the more their crap starts to stink.

I have had friends tell me they "know" there is a God because they have felt it or had experiences. Well my friend, so have I. The sad part is that churches promise to satisfy everything the human mind is looking for, so we feel satisfied and happy. Hell, we don't have to search anymore, we're home. Truth is we are searchers and explorers by nature and the church is not what we are looking for. But it pacifies the need to belong to something, some group or organization that shares our like minds and won't judge us.

Everyone on this planet wants peace and fairness. Do we really need an organization to tell us to love and be kind to our neighbor? To love our family unconditionally? To help those in need or do what is right? Truth is, almost all prisoners claim to be religious. Fear and control is the shackle around ones heart and soul, release that and there is nothing left but love. Pandora's box to some degree. Would you steal a hundred bucks to feed your family if  you knew the judge would say "I forgive you son" and let you go? Taking what doesn't belong to you is not right, even if the "judge" forgives you.

I think any person who travels the earth or even his own town showing and teaching love and compassion is a saint. Jesus, Gandhi,  Buddha and so forth are examples of compassion of the human experience. They were peaceful people with the same goal in mind.

Educate yourself and never stop asking questions
Open your heart and look inward not outward.

-Namaste

Empty Nest (party) Syndrome

So it dawned on me the other day, my son is 18 and on his way out the door, or so I thought. It seems there's always something else to do or some unforseen hang up that keeps him on my skinny income. I mean, I make good money but not enough for the kitchen clearing he can do.So why is the empty nest syndrome they talk about that's supposed to be so lonely an empty next rave party at my house? Yeah bitches, freedom at last. Now don't get me wrong I love him more than anything in the world and he's the best damn kid a parent could ask for he just needs to get a move on, mamma got shit ta do.



Now I grew up an only child as he is also an only child, but we couldn't be more different. He's very family oriented and can't wait to have kids and get married. I can't wait to live alone for the first time in 25 years! He's a homebody, grounded and routine. I'm freespirited, moving and hate being indoors too much. We balance each other well, being so opposite.


I honestly can't wait to go into the kitchen and find ALL the food still there, use my computer when I want to, not have to borrow my own car and find all the shit I left still in the same spot I left it. WTF! No more getting stuck with the last 3 squares of toilet paper, "turn down the music mom, gees", fighting over tv shows, or the zillion "what's for dinner" texts. My couch won't smell like stinky teenager and my dog will finally get some rest from the years of harassment.


What the hell with I do? I'll tell you what the hell I'm gonna do.... For starters I'm gonna have a nice salad for dinner, just a fucking salad. No more 4 course meals or trips to fast food. I'm going to take a bath with every waterproof sex toy I own all at the same time. Then I'm going to swagger down the hall butt ass naked, cause I can, and lay on my bed and maybe even stop off in the kitchen for a cup of yogurt that is still in MY frige, full of MY fucking food. Fuck yeah! And when I have a hot flash in the middle of the night I don't care who see's my ass sticking out of from under the covers. I might even do a naked dance in front of the webcam with my friend just for a laugh.

Ahhhh, freedom... So here's to all those empty nesters out there enjoying THEIR lives once more. Cheers!

Fall to winter

Fall is nearing it's end with winter sneaking in like a cold draft under a door. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine our energy is condensing and will float through winter, a time for rest, reflection and maintenance. As the seasons change, so should we.

As I sit looking out my balcony window watching the leaves fall on the brick road below, I am reminded of how important fall is. What happens to the tree during fall? It's as though the deep breath of summer is exhaling as it's energy condenses into it's trunk, shaking off any unwanted leaves that will nourish and warm it's roots through winter while it rests. Each leaf representing an old thought, a resentment, a sadness, a worry, just as the tree, it is now time to shake it off. To let go of anything bothering you this year so we may have a peaceful winter.

Our diet too must change. Eating more fall and winter foods like soups, stews, root vegetables, apples, cabbage, and less summer foods. These foods warm us and nourish us through the winter.

Finding winter activities if you're not a skier  like arts, writing, knitting. Simple things to keep busy but not overexert the mind or body, keep your workout simple. Now is not the time for strenuous exercise.

Have tea with friends, laugh and remember your great summer.

Happy fall!

Abandon

The human will to survive, is to say the least, a very strong and powerful thing. How and where we find this strength is such a mystery to me. Once arriving at  our determined destination the challenge begins with finding the balance between relief and bitterness. How does a conscious being place such a burden on another, leading us to the edge of the unknown. "What did I do? Am I that bad of a person?" The words go round and round looking into the dark abyss, our internal GPS dead with no response.

Frying circuits, "does not compute", a movie with no ending leaving you pissed off and wondering why the hell you wasted 2 hours of your time. Do we create our own hell when we transform back into the collective consciousness? All the negative energy we created making waves with others following us through time and space, life after life. The mind can let go and believe whatever it wants, but what of the ones we put this burden on? I do not believe we can leave a path of destruction behind us without causing some sort of disruption to everyone that we are. What we do to others, we do to ourselves and those who abandon should be pittied for their negligence and unwillingness to see, they have no rear vision. They are creating the negative energy that eventually makes it's way back around to them, keeping them in the same situations over and over again. Stuck in thier own insanity. Someone once told me "if you want different results, do something different."

People love, live and thrive together. The need for closure is great. Love those who love you, feed those who feed you, tell them you love them. It is cruel to be left in the unknown, forever wondering how, why, when, who...

It is much greater a crime to hurt someone who loves you by allowing the ego to control some false sense of right and wrong. No loving being deserves to be abandon.

Oh to be as beautiful as the day...

“What a beautiful day.” He says with a smile.

“The sun is so warm.”

But so is my heart, I think to myself.

"Your form looks good." He reassures a student.

A glance at my backside, "Hmm, what does he think of this form?"

A little color here, a little spice there.
"The flowers smell so good."

But what about my hair?

"Great shot." He exclaims on hole 9.

I smile with a deep sigh of peace.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder then what does he see?

I'm not as shiny as I used to be and certainly not as new.

"Oh to be as beautiful as the day."