"Sexy is an attitude, not a size"

I think every woman has been told that at least once in her lifetime, especially if she's over a size 12. So now that my size hot has turned into a size not why can't I believe what I have preached for years?

I remember about 15 years ago sitting in a bar with friends. At one end of the bar sat a gorgeous blonde woman, tall, thin, long sexy hair, all the right stuff, so I thought. At the other end sat a heavy set girl, kinda cute, bubbly brunette. "Hmmm" I thought, a size 4 vs. a 16. Why were the guys laughing and having a good time with the brunette and not the blonde? The blonde had a shitty attitude about her and  scared away even the drunks, the brunette glowed with fun and flirt, she was sexy and they could sense it. So why are we so obsessed with size?

As I sit here trying to take my own advise and rev up the sex-ay, I sulk. How do I get my sexy back?

I'm overweight, riddled with hang nails and staring at cute clothes haunting me from the hangars that used to fit while I look down at my frumpy t-shirt and yoga pants. ugh.....

Sure, I could go out and buy a new set of under ware, get  a new hairstyle or even a pretty dress but does that work? Sometimes it is all we need to "see" ourselves in a new light allowing us to smile changing our attitude towards ourselves. But we have to continue that attitude.

Like our bodies, we must continue to feed it healthy food to get the output we want. We have to feed our minds with love and acceptance for our sexy to shine on the outside. Imagine yourself as a beautiful flower. You may have bloomed last year and withered today, but you will bloom again. We all do, we're human, part of nature that moves through cycles. When we appear to wither, we reflect inward and bloom with new insight on life.

YOU, are sexy no matter what package you come in!

Moving to the mid west - Current Status

Moving to the mid west has certainly had it's challenges. I moved here three years ago from Las Vegas, where I was for 12 years, growing up in the San Francisco Bay Area. While in Las Vegas I sold and rented many homes to people from all over the world and was always fascinated by all the different stories of how these people ended up coming here. From jobs to family to "why not, its Vegas baby." The average lifespan of most newcomers to Vegas was 3-5 years before they decided to return to wherever they came from. Yeah, real estate was good because of the constant and amazing number of turnover. But why did they leave? Vegas was a mecca fishbowl all it's own, a lifestyle like no other. It's hot, dry, desert landscape is hard for most to adjust to, I loved it and miss it.

I ended up in Illinois following love, I'm sure being the terrible dart player I am would have never hit this part of the map. We've been here two years now and believe me I'm just starting to adjust. My size 6 pants have magically transformend themselves into 12's without my permission, the 2003 Jetta Turbo turned into a 98 Oldsmobile and my clientele has only built to a quater of what I had accuired back home. (and it only took 8 months vs.2 years) They weren't kidding when they said everything is slower here.  I have made a good friend that I talk to regularly which is very important for the "female" connection thing. Diet, weather changes, and social activities have been the biggest challenges.

I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be coming from another country adding major challenges like language, culture, diet or religious practices. Like minds stick together. I have seen much more prejudice here than anywhere I have lived, and granted I live on the outer rung of the hood circle, it is me they look at. Segregation exists everywhere but I now see a difference between mindset and grouping. Poverty is a state of mind feeding off it's own self. It's hard to find or create opportunity when your struggling against the Eeyore attitude. When I was in real estate we were unable to tell anyone even when they asked "Where is the Chinese neighorhood? The Jewish part of town or little Italy?" What difference does it make? As I find myself looking for liberal minded, educated, go-geter hippy folks I'm reminded of why they sought the like minded. The longer I sit struggling to build a clientele trying to pay bills the harder it becomes to keep a possitive attitude that this will get better. The only thing I cling to is the memory of being financially sucessful and knowing working hard does pay off, but what if you're born into this? How do you change a social mindset from birth? A little old house in a poor neighborhood with a minimum wage job, a family member, a friend or neighbor with a bad attitude enforcing the situation. I now see why roll models are so important. Whether your father showed you how to build a business or a basketball player makes the team, it shows us not just to chase the golden carrot but to change our attitude about doing something. Surround yourself with Eeyore's and how long will it take before you become an Eeyore?

The best thing that has come out of this for me is a different perspective of life. How state of mind is key to determing happiness and satisfaction. The people that live here are down to earth, friendly, helpful and just live. They aren't pushing and shoving for the last loaf of bread, racing to the next stop light or stealing each others customers, they're just living. The lifestyle in Vegas was a fight to the finish with eveything, fast, furious and trying to "be somebody". If they only realized we are all somebody.

Tao Te Ching 33

"If you understand others you are smart.
 If you understand yourself you are illuminated.
 If you overcome others you are powerful.
 If you overcome yourself you have strength.
 If you know how to be satisfied you are rich.
 If you can act with vigor, you have a will.
 If you don’t lose your objectives you can be long-lasting.
 If you die without loss, you are eternal.”

-Tao Te Ching 33

Road Raged Nut Bag

I remember being my way to class a few years ago. I made my right turn onto a long stretch of road miles from the nearest highway in the Las Vegas valley. I swear it was clear when I turned as the vehicle I saw was unidentifiable being so far away and had no idea it was in warp 9. As I gassed the turbo to warp 2, 3, then 4 I realized this death star was still gaining on me. A large SUV growled at my bumper then pounced into the left lane. "What the shit?" I tried to stay calm fighting the urge to throw handfulls of change at "it", not knowing who was driving with all the dark tint. As it swerved in front of me playing with the brakes I was like, "This person is a nut bag." Resuming warp 9 they made off to the highway. As I approached the on-ramp the light turned red. "Shit, shit, SHIT!" And guess who was the victim of Murphy's Law? Yeah, warp 9 is no good when there is such a thing as STOP LIGHTS you dimwitted halfbreed! "Ok, stay calm. Crazy, yes, crazy. No body ever messes with the crazies." I thought franticly. As I pulled up next to the death star I turned up my radio as loud as I could and started singing. I didn't give a shit what was playing, I was singin' it. "Livin' la vida loca!" Ricky Martin, crap. The shitter of it is I actually knew the words. As she rolled down her window and proceeded to think she was going to be heard over Ricky Martin I just kept on singin'. The worst part was when the back seat window went down and it was full of kids between 5 and 14ish. Wow, power mom, you go girl.
So death star SUV gets the un-rolled model of the day award.

Golf & Boobs

You know what's bullshit?
A man telling a woman with big boobs "bring your elbow in closer" as I suddenly feel like a nutcracker. Yeah, no!

I recently decided to take up golf with my better half and realized once again just what a pain in the ass big boobs are. Trying to learn the body mechanics from a man without this issue just doesn't work. So I set out on my own to find a solution, women golfers. EEEEE! Wrong... (they had no boobs either, at least the ones with the advise) Reluctantly I had to find a sports bra, yeah...When you have big boobs SUPPORT is your main concern. Support... not smash and roll. The last time I went shopping for a sports bra was a nightmare, it was like wearing a too tight tank top resulting in the ever so lovely and comfy uniboob every time you bend over. Unattractive and sweaty. Do the men that design these things like their stuff all smashed into one neat, tight, little package?

After an all day search ONE made the cut. Champion. Velcro, adjustable straps that went over the shoulder like a bra, not racerback or any of that stuff, with a plastic underwire very well burried that kept the girls from fighting.

Once we got the girls secured and reclined it was off to the driving range. I was able to swing with minimal interference and maximum comfort. "Take that 225 yard drive, hoo-ya!" Playing with a slightly longer set of clubs also helped since now I didn't have to lean too far or squat too low. This also minimized my back pain. I have also searched online to discover there are MANY large chested ladies trying to play golf. Damn boobs anyways. There are a zillion men with advise ranging from, "just adjust your elbows" to "high heels help", dillweed, anyways, but no women with any good advise. So if you find anyone who can answer this question please feel free to comment.

So ladies with big boobs playing golf, find yourself  a good sports bra, a good set of clubs and kick some ass playing golf!

Prejudice & the Mid West

Is the mid west more prejudice than a larger city? I guess that would depend on the subject matter. According to The Oxford dictionary:

                       Prejudice: n. . a. A preconceived opinion. B. Bias or partiality.

So in a sense we are all prejudice,  "salsa is hot, dogs bite, Costa Rica is dangerous." But what builds this prejudice? A learned behavior or reaction to a previous experience, from our parents, grand parents, media, other people's experiences and so on.  There is a fine line between learning and evolving and allowing a thought of fear that we ourselves created or was created for us by someone else keeping us immobilized.

To learn from our predecessors past experiences is a piece of what makes the human consciousness so amazing. Human persecution has been since our beginning and will continue until we decide to stop. Is remembering what happened during times of  human persecution helping us or hurting us? For those select groups of people who pushed for new laws, rights and liberties against such treatments amazing strides have been made but for others letting go of such negative emotions fuels todays prejudice. The past is the past, the experiences they went through are gone, the time and conditions are not the same today. We are now. Our world is a very different place.

I have seen such prejudice here between black and white people who are still angry about the 1908 race riots. 1908!!! I wasn't here in 1908 (neither were 98% of the population that now live here) nor do we have any reason to "pre-judge" ANYONE on the color of their skin. These laws, rights and liberties were not installed to "screw" anyone but to evolve a behavior. I asked one business owner who was obviously upset by having to conform to the laws regulating how she runs her business, "How would you feel getting paid less money or not getting a job at all just because of the color of your skin? Or how about being told you can't come in the front door or being herded to sit with "your people" like a cow? That is inappropriate human treatment, we are not cattle." If I go tanning, pierce my lip, wear a blue bandanna, carry a Gucci handbag or dye my hair blonde I am subjected to "prejudice", race is only ONE aspect to the never ending pool of prejudice.

What is your first thought when you see an overweight person, a blonde woman, a man with baggy jeans, green hair, a man in a business suit driving a nice car, tattoos or a lawyer? Ask yourself where these thoughts or "pre-judgments" came from. Every person we encounter should have an equal chance to be who they are, not how they look. You may think green haired or tattooed people are "rebels" or insecure looking for attention, maybe they just like art and green.

I have often found myself asking "How can I stop persecution from happening, save a rain forest, stop prejudice?" Our lives are so busy where do you find time? For those who stand in the streets with signs, that's wonderful. For the rest of us just changing our actions speak loudly. Sometimes the most powerful thing one can do is to do nothing. 


Daily tips that make a difference:
1. If we don't like bad food, don't buy it.
2. Smile at everyone you make eye contact with even if they look nothing like you.
3. If you pre-judge anyone, smile and remember to move back into that higher place of thinking.
4. Remember, we are all here together and together is how we move as an ocean.

A word about the author. That'd be me...

 As I look out the windows of my eyes observing the illusions around me, I sit in my comfy chair taking notes surrounded by decades of experiences only I can see. While I once believed these experiences shaped who I am, I realized who I am is just who I am. That everyone is experiencing the same things just from a different point of view and it is our reactions to these experiences that change who we become and even then we all have the choice to become who we want. As these experiences change so do my observations; a lifetime of growing, learning and shifting reactions. How I feel today is just a reaction to an experience and may be totally different tomorrow. I hope to convey to the reader that all my views come from an origin of love and a deeper desire to understand why we choose to react the way we do and that these learned responses do not define who we really are.
Namaste