What a great line Jim Carrey spoke in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. As a woman I laughed out loud, literally because it rang so true to us "communicators". How many time have I heard
"You know you talk all the time?"
"Do you ever run out of things to say?"
It's taken me 20 twenty years to figure out why I never shut up. I used to ramble about everything and get upset when no one cared what I had to say. I finally graduated through the "I did it again" after leaving a conversation phase into the "Emm, you're doing it again" stage. Being aware you do something is 90% of the battle, figuring out how to adjust it and follow through is actually the easiest part. We just make it difficult because our brains are on auto pilot making seem hard to change a behavior.
"Is there anything you don't know?" hmmmmm....yup, lots. I realized my imput on things just made me look like a know it all when actually I know very litte, or a little about a lot?
Why do we ramble on and on?
1. Nervousness/Anxiety?
a. This just makes you look like you're on drugs. The "what the hell is she on" opinion...
2. Insecurity that someone won't like us or think we're stupid?
a. This on can be fueled by someone elses pressure to "be the best"; competitiveness, not wanting to let someone down.
3. Control issues?
a. See #1 or #2
4. Verbally working out our own internal mental dialogs getting other's input verifying we're right, or ok?
a. Looking for that confirmation that our actions or thoughts are right. We love when others chime in with us and all agree on something unless your're the devils advocate and just love to stir the pot and enjoy a good debate.
5. Etc.
a. Insert your own context here.
Ok, so I fit most of them. I've found that if I smile alot, listen and put in my two cents only when someone asks "what do you think" I seem way smarter (cause none knows what you're thinking), and people like you much more. I've realized that I don't need anyone to "verify" my actions, viewpoints or thoughts on anything and if I need to "work shit out in my head", then that's where it needs to stay.
The best therapy I've found is literally talking to myself. As I drive in the car, clean my house or any other alone time I find . I believe we all know what we need to do, we can survive alone just fine. Hell, we seem to have everyone elses shit figured out, so we can figure out our own.
They say our brains can think 25,000 wpm, speak 120-180 wpm and hear & comprehend 300 wpm give or take depending on the person. Can you see where anxiety can take it's full run of the situation if we get stuck in our heads? Talking helps slow down that 25,000 wpm process in comprehensable information so we can work things out.
I remember one of the many classes I took on personality types that two simple groups stood out when in a conversation. The "data" collectors, those who want all the details of something. The "touchy feely" people who could care less about the details and are just interested in how that shade of blue makes them feel. When you recognize these two types it makes it a little easier to know when you give 'em all the info you got and when to shut up and smile.
Helpful tips:
1. Try to see what type of person your communicating with. Technical, emotional, etc.?
2. Find the groove of the conversation. Talking loudly to a quiet person overwhelms them.
3. Smile and listen. Talking all the time and informing people of your knowledge inhibits your learning.
"You know you talk all the time?"
"Do you ever run out of things to say?"
It's taken me 20 twenty years to figure out why I never shut up. I used to ramble about everything and get upset when no one cared what I had to say. I finally graduated through the "I did it again" after leaving a conversation phase into the "Emm, you're doing it again" stage. Being aware you do something is 90% of the battle, figuring out how to adjust it and follow through is actually the easiest part. We just make it difficult because our brains are on auto pilot making seem hard to change a behavior.
"Is there anything you don't know?" hmmmmm....yup, lots. I realized my imput on things just made me look like a know it all when actually I know very litte, or a little about a lot?
Why do we ramble on and on?
1. Nervousness/Anxiety?
a. This just makes you look like you're on drugs. The "what the hell is she on" opinion...
2. Insecurity that someone won't like us or think we're stupid?
a. This on can be fueled by someone elses pressure to "be the best"; competitiveness, not wanting to let someone down.
3. Control issues?
a. See #1 or #2
4. Verbally working out our own internal mental dialogs getting other's input verifying we're right, or ok?
a. Looking for that confirmation that our actions or thoughts are right. We love when others chime in with us and all agree on something unless your're the devils advocate and just love to stir the pot and enjoy a good debate.
5. Etc.
a. Insert your own context here.
Ok, so I fit most of them. I've found that if I smile alot, listen and put in my two cents only when someone asks "what do you think" I seem way smarter (cause none knows what you're thinking), and people like you much more. I've realized that I don't need anyone to "verify" my actions, viewpoints or thoughts on anything and if I need to "work shit out in my head", then that's where it needs to stay.
The best therapy I've found is literally talking to myself. As I drive in the car, clean my house or any other alone time I find . I believe we all know what we need to do, we can survive alone just fine. Hell, we seem to have everyone elses shit figured out, so we can figure out our own.
They say our brains can think 25,000 wpm, speak 120-180 wpm and hear & comprehend 300 wpm give or take depending on the person. Can you see where anxiety can take it's full run of the situation if we get stuck in our heads? Talking helps slow down that 25,000 wpm process in comprehensable information so we can work things out.
I remember one of the many classes I took on personality types that two simple groups stood out when in a conversation. The "data" collectors, those who want all the details of something. The "touchy feely" people who could care less about the details and are just interested in how that shade of blue makes them feel. When you recognize these two types it makes it a little easier to know when you give 'em all the info you got and when to shut up and smile.
Helpful tips:
1. Try to see what type of person your communicating with. Technical, emotional, etc.?
2. Find the groove of the conversation. Talking loudly to a quiet person overwhelms them.
3. Smile and listen. Talking all the time and informing people of your knowledge inhibits your learning.
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